Friday, August 26, 2011

Feeling Married

I just wrote a behemoth of a comment in response to Rhi's rhetorical question about "feeling married":

"...I completely understand where this post comes from 
and I truly think it IS a confusing thing. 
People don't really have good explanations for it, but always bombard you with these vague type of questions "How does it FEEL now that you're married?".  

Ask ANYONE (mostly women) in the FIRST year of marriage, and MOST women I know will be a bit confused.  Like, "not much has changed".  
They still feel the same, if not more love towards their husband.  
But you already loved him SO much before you were married too right? 
Personally, I had a lot of weirdness with changing my last name, 
and hung on to it until probably the 1 1/2 yr mark.  
Saying it was very awkward.  Using it, more so.  
It felt like I was giving up myself to become a wife.  
But, gradually, slowly, and unconsciously, BEING a wife became natural. 
Second nature.  I forgot about the I and the ME and corny as it sounds, everything became a WE and a thinking about us collectively and more selflessly about my husband.  Not to say I didn't before, but something was different inside of me.  And I think the only way that comes is over time.  
You can't pinpoint a moment in which it happened.  But it does.  
(Side note:  we've been married 3 yrs now).  
And I notice it in my friends too.  
You see a subtle change in everyone after about a year.  
You can see the difference of "married love".  I think it's why they call it the "honeymoon stage".  Besides all the endorphins and adrenaline from getting married, when everything settles in a bit, that feeling comes from knowing that you have this partner that holds your heart.  
And you realize that you hold his too.  
From the other side, I think that many husbands feel the change much sooner after the actual marriage than the wives do.  I'm convinced it has to do with the fact that men often do put themselves first and foremost when they are single, pursuing their careers and their dreams.  Then, once they get married, they become less selfish and more comfortable about being responsible for someone else's well-being, support system, and emotions. 
Oy vay - just a generalization and I wrote such a book.  
But it's just my very very humble opinion based on my observations."

What do YOU think if you are married? 
I'd love to hear different viewpoints, opinions, and stories!


1 comment:

Lily said...

Personally I felt much more secure and happy after marriage. I love being married, in a few days we are celebrating our 8th anni, and 10 years together!!!
You hit it on the nail on how men feel, it is exactly how my DH experience it.

Love your blog! Post more pls!